If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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