these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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