dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize