I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
