He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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