He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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