Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.