bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
