I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face