Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.

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  (407): Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date. http://tfl.nu/dv8x
  Replies (26) Good night (559) Bad night (4350)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

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  (920): the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet. http://tfl.nu/lvr3
  Replies (12) Good night (5874) Bad night (909)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

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  (920): he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up http://tfl.nu/v5zl
  Replies (23) Good night (7998) Bad night (1092)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

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  (717): What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese. http://tfl.nu/9uuf
  Replies (10) Good night (5002) Bad night (852)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.

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  (214): So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5. http://tfl.nu/y0zl
  Replies (9) Good night (5293) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?

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  (949): She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours? http://tfl.nu/0ch8
  Replies (13) Good night (4055) Bad night (1469)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was

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  (920): We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was http://tfl.nu/2xqa
  Replies (7) Good night (3245) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective

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  (630): He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective http://tfl.nu/wbyh
  Replies (2) Good night (1359) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.

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  (484): You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now. http://tfl.nu/l9he
  Replies (4) Good night (581) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad

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  (812): Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad http://tfl.nu/owz5
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.

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  (901): lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit. http://tfl.nu/r29h
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (294)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?

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  (480): Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night? http://tfl.nu/lw86
  Replies (7) Good night (469) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just want nice things and good sex

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  (732): I just want nice things and good sex http://tfl.nu/04u5
  Replies (12) Good night (1140) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?

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  (301): Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with? http://tfl.nu/cqjc
  Replies (18) Good night (336) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.

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  (218): In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first. http://tfl.nu/gyje
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (218)

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