i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
