Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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