Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
