Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
