No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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