I need help removing her.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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