Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
