It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
