I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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