I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
