I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
