the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
