You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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