dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
