Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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