I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
