I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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