Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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