I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
