I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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