ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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