wanna go halves on a baby?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
