I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
