thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic