Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  accomplished twins. life is a go

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  (651): accomplished twins. life is a go http://tfl.nu/t3ng
  Replies (4) Good night (4132) Bad night (583)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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  (806): apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/lh1h
  Replies (11) Good night (1433) Bad night (3550)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.

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  (330): would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles. http://tfl.nu/usa7
  Replies (27) Good night (2142) Bad night (5880)
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  (631): View more from New York

  At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?

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  (631): At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you? http://tfl.nu/rik1
  Replies (5) Good night (3835) Bad night (1016)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom

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  (214): Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom http://tfl.nu/1svl
  Replies (6) Good night (1200) Bad night (2175)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

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  (818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4327) Bad night (960)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....

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  (732): say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today.... http://tfl.nu/1sxc
  Replies (3) Good night (910) Bad night (1440)
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  (925): View more from California

  Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday

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  (925): Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday http://tfl.nu/d2se
  Replies (10) Good night (737) Bad night (1643)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls

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  (484): I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls http://tfl.nu/b7mx
  Replies (4) Good night (946) Bad night (796)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.

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  (720): I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help. http://tfl.nu/0nf6
  Replies (5) Good night (520) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.

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  (425): The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned. http://tfl.nu/65g6
  Replies (2) Good night (844) Bad night (484)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.

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  (816): I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs. http://tfl.nu/pv3i
  Replies (4) Good night (1015) Bad night (381)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?

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  (817): When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control? http://tfl.nu/7vjk
  Replies (3) Good night (734) Bad night (347)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.

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  (519): Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her. http://tfl.nu/negd
  Replies (2) Good night (365) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?

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  (828): Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive? http://tfl.nu/mouo
  Replies (0) Good night (337) Bad night (256)

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