Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.

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  (203): No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket. http://tfl.nu/3z5u
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm

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  (615): i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm http://tfl.nu/dyx8
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."

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  (203): So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm." http://tfl.nu/f62k
  Replies (19) Good night (3493) Bad night (828)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you

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  (770): Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you http://tfl.nu/4fya
  Replies (14) Good night (970) Bad night (4391) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

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  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (13031) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.

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  (484): In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas. http://tfl.nu/7vr2
  Replies (11) Good night (3218) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.

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  (864): its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/4cn9
  Replies (2) Good night (1703) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.

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  (562): He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break. http://tfl.nu/ad1k
  Replies (16) Good night (2244) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie. 

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  (502): So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.  http://tfl.nu/6cm8
  Replies (7) Good night (1612) Bad night (550)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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  (403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.

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  (515): They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form. http://tfl.nu/tu4k
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.

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  (203): Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed. http://tfl.nu/vekr
  Replies (5) Good night (762) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.

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  (407): I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/ewha
  Replies (3) Good night (529) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.

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  (702): At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out. (1-702): If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week. http://tfl.nu/ued1
  Replies (4) Good night (985) Bad night (152)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.

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  (815): I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance. http://tfl.nu/4mcu
  Replies (7) Good night (1106) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt

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