Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?

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  (808): Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show? http://tfl.nu/1sfk
  Replies (2) Good night (945) Bad night (500)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.

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  (775): Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/nqat
  Replies (26) Good night (3583) Bad night (514)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  how does Santa get into Hogwarts?

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  (574): how does Santa get into Hogwarts? http://tfl.nu/z515
  Replies (48) Good night (5949) Bad night (914)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

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  (262): Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile. http://tfl.nu/y44t
  Replies (27) Good night (704) Bad night (7031)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?

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  (617): Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness? http://tfl.nu/575t
  Replies (18) Good night (5593) Bad night (758)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals

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  (843): they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals http://tfl.nu/7ny2
  Replies (21) Good night (3893) Bad night (802)
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  (943): View more from

  You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka

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  (943): You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka http://tfl.nu/wlgo
  Replies (10) Good night (5374) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.

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  (570): found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory. http://tfl.nu/fqts
  Replies (13) Good night (4503) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?

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  (610): Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen? http://tfl.nu/hze5
  Replies (5) Good night (2496) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.

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  (623): He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out. http://tfl.nu/ixyd
  Replies (14) Good night (942) Bad night (2053)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
  Replies (13) Good night (2420) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  You eat cookies in the shower?

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  (608): BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie. (1-608): You eat cookies in the shower? http://tfl.nu/pj2d
  Replies (10) Good night (3201) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.

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  (409): Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since. http://tfl.nu/vhst
  Replies (4) Good night (1335) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.

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  (757): you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR. http://tfl.nu/zp8x
  Replies (8) Good night (1720) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.

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  (309): Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend. http://tfl.nu/4ikn
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (262)

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