I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!