I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
