By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
