i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
