how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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