My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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