girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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