Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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