i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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