One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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