when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
