Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
