He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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