I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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