Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
