she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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