I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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