He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
