I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
