just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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