I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
