I want to walk on stilts...naked
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
