Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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