No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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