can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
