i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
