you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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